hundreds of stories
by ipsa dixit
Summary: 'i've told you hundreds of stories about home; make some more'/in which remus is a part of harry's life. he owes that to james and lily [for emma]


_for emma. hope you enjoy!_

 _for the houses comp, themed, year 6 gryffindor [first line - when you think about it humans are strange creatures, especially when they're wizards.]_

 _for insane house comp [visiting family member's new baby]_

 _for make your dreams come true [emma's plot]_

 _3333 words, by google docs [such a good number :')]_

* * *

When you think about it, humans are strange creatures, especially when they're wizards. If a human has been running for hours, they should stop. Their bodies would be _aching_. Except, humans also have the power to override their bodies, and override their needs by their wants. Wizards are even more stubborn and strong-willed and _wouldn't stop._

Remus had been running for hours; his body was aching, begging him to stop, but he _needed_ to reach his destination.

He couldn't stop himself from pausing outside the house and taking a breath. He had been running—away from his problems, from his past—for hours, and he found his feet on Privet Drive.

He didn't believe in God or fate. Not anymore. But Remus did know that he needed to be here. He _needed_ to see Harry.

The sun was just coming up as Remus approached the house.

Number Four, Privet Drive.

Lily had given Remus the address for emergencies, and, while he'd thought it was silly at the time, he had stored it in the back of his head, just in case.

This definitely counted as an emergency.

As he approached, Remus could see a small pile of blankets on the front doorstep. With slight horror, he realised it was _Harry_ and scooped him up. He was still asleep, not knowing that when he woke up, his world would shift drastically.

Remus was sort of surprised that Dumbledore would leave Harry in the middle of nowhere. Then again, Dumbledore didn't seem to care for other humans' safety at all. As long as his master plan worked…

Tucked into Harry's blanket was a letter, clearly addressed to Petunia Dursley, but Remus didn't care, instead shifting Harry and ripping open the letter.

It was all bullshit.

Still, Dumbledore was usually full of bullshit. Usually, the bullshit worked out, saved lives in the end.

Even if it destroyed some.

So, what was Remus going to do? Leave Harry here, in the hands of his _Muggle_ aunt and uncle, or take him, and raise him himself?

He wasn't going to lie; it hurt that Dumbledore didn't leave Harry with Remus, instead opting for Muggles who would never understand his life. He was one of James and Lily's best friends. Then again, Remus was a werewolf. He couldn't raise a child, especially without any friends to help him when he had to transform again.

( _No, because he had no friends anymore. They were all gone. All of them_.)

Neither was a good option, so Remus held Harry closer and knocked on the door.

A few moments later, a woman swung open the door. She was still in sleeping robes, curlers in her hair. Her neck was very long and there was a glare on her face.

"May I ask _why_ you are calling on me this early in morning?" she asked, in a snappy tone.

"Petunia Evans?" Remus said, his voice cracking slightly. He hadn't realised how dry his mouth was before.

"Dursley," she said, correcting him.

"I'm Remus Lupin. This is your nephew, Harry. I have some news I need to tell you."

* * *

 _Everything had turned to rubble._

 _He didn't know what he expected, really. Did he expect James and Lily to still be there? Smiling with Harry and Sirius? Did he expect Peter to come and arrive any minute?_

 _No, because three of those people were dead. One of them had killed the others. And the last one?_

 _Just a baby, now an orphan. Sent away to his aunt and uncle._

 _Remus thought the world was too cruel._

 _Still, he couldn't stop himself from climbing through the rubble, getting to the familiar house. Their bodies were gone; probably removed by Dumbledore._ _ **Hopefully**_ _removed by Dumbledore._

 _He knew that people around him were celebrating, but they were wrong._

 _There was nothing,_ _ **nothing**_ _, to celebrate._

* * *

Petunia hadn't offered him any tea; Remus didn't expect any.

She took a deep breath after Remus told her the news and closed her eyes for a count of three.

When she opened them, she asked: "Well, can I see him?"

Remus realised that he was still holding Harry, holding him close, clutching him as if their lives depended on it. Maybe they did.

He slowly let go and gave Harry over to Petunia. Harry slowly opened his eyes and yawned, before tears flowed over his green eyes and he started to bawl.

Remus watched Petunia rock Harry slowly, comforting him.

Of course, there was another reason Dumbledore wouldn't have picked him for the job. He was no mother.

* * *

 _Remus was with Sirius when they got the news. He was usually with Sirius._

 _James called him on the stupid little mirrors the two of them had. Tears were rushing down his face, yet he had the biggest smile._

" _No," Remus whispered before James could even get any words out._

" _Come to St. Mungo's. Now," he said through the mirror, before doing a weird cross between a laugh and a cry and disappearing from the mirror._

 _Remus and Sirius Apparated there immediately and found James pacing in the hall outside of the birth ward. He tackled them in a hug as soon as he laid eyes on them, tears still coming down his face and slightly soaking Remus' jumper._

" _It's a boy. They won't let me bother Lily; they told me to let her sleep, but it's a boy," James said as he finally pulled away from them._

" _Congrats, mate," Sirius said, tears starting to well in his eyes, as well. He looked just as proud, if not_ _ **more**_ _proud than James._

" _You'll be godfather, of course," James said, looking Sirius deep in his eyes._

" _I—" Sirius choked and looked at Remus. Remus nodded at him, grinning, happy for his best friends. "Of course!"_

 _Even though Remus was_ _ **truly**_ _happy for his friends, he couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of resentment—why shouldn't Remus get to be godfather? He told himself to push that feeling down and be happy for his friends, but he still could feel it, as he gave James another hug._

" _We're calling him Harry. Harry James," James said, into Remus' shoulder._

 _He wasn't fit to be a godfather._

 _The big bad wolf_ _ **always**_ _ate the children._

* * *

Remus came back the following week. Petunia was surprised, obviously not expecting him.

"Remus," she said, welcoming him in all the same.

"Petunia," he said, nodding at her. He didn't know why he came, really.

Well, he did know _why_ he came, he just didn't know how to say it.

"Is Harry here?" he asked, fidgeting. He didn't know how to say the words he wanted to say.

"Of course," Petunia said, leading him to the sitting room, where Harry and another plumper, blonder boy were sitting, playing with dolls.

"Moon!" Harry squealed from the floor as he looked up and saw Remus walk in, his face brightening.

"Hey, kid," Remus said, bending down and scooping up Harry in his arms. He was still so small, built like his mother was, short and scrawny. Thinking about Lily made Remus' heart hurt, but also reminded him why he was there. He turned back to Petunia, who was watching Remus hold Harry, a slight smile on her face.

"I want to be a part of Harry's life," he said bluntly, cutting right to business. Petunia blinked and hesitated. "I don't want to take him away from you," he elaborated. "No, Dumbledore put him with you for a reason. I'm obviously not fit for being his Dad—" Remus chuckled bitterly. It was a _slight_ understatement. "I just want to visit him. He's my best friends' son. I owe James and Lily that."

Petunia looked him over, her eyes glazing over every part of him, his face, littered with scars, his arms, holding Harry close, his pants, slightly ripped jeans.

"Okay," Petunia said finally.

* * *

 _They were_ done _. After seven whole years, they were done with Hogwarts. It felt weird, strange, to be leaving their home._

 _Hogwarts had become a home to all of them, in different ways, and now they were leaving it._

" _Guys," Peter said, taking another swig of the firewhiskey James and Sirius managed to smuggle. "Can we make a vow?"_

" _We could make plenty of vows, Peter," Remus said, also taking another drink of the burning liquid. "What do you mean?"_

" _I mean," he replied, "that no matter what, we're still going to be_ us _. We're still going to stick by each other. We'll still be the Marauders."_

 _They all grinned at each other._

" _I'd drink to that," Sirius said, holding up his bottle._

" _You'd drink to anything," James countered, as he held up his bottle all the same. Remus and Peter also put their bottles up._

" _To us," Remus offered._

" _To us," they all echoed, chugging the last of the drinks._

 _They were the Marauders, then and forever._

* * *

"I have a problem."

Two things about that statement surprised Remus.

One: Petunia had a problem with something.

Two: Petunia was coming to him, _Remus_ , with her problem.

"I might have a solution?" Remus said, unsure. All the same, he made room for her on the couch. He had been watching Harry and Dudley play on the ground in front of him while Petunia got work done. It was good for both of them, Remus coming over; Petunia could get work done and Remus got to spend time with Harry.

Petunia took the seat and looked at the boys before turning to Remus. Her eyes were so much like Lily's, the emerald green, and it pained Remus. He wanted to look away, but he could tell that whatever Petunia wanted to tell him it was important.

"I think I want to divorce Vernon."

Oh. He was _not_ expecting that. Remus knew that he was raising his eyebrow, that the surprise was evident on his face. He did _not_ have a solution to that.

"Well, why?" he asked. Remus had never actually met Vernon, but sometimes Petunia would talk about him. Sometimes Lily talked about him, and from what Remus gathered, he wasn't the best of men, but he knew that Petunia loved him.

"I loved him, and he's the father of our son, but I don't know. I just—" Her breath hitched. "I feel like it's not the same. Like I've fallen _out_ of love with him. Like everything that once was endearing, I hate now. It scares me."

Remus nodded, trying to understand, but really not comprehending. She didn't realise how hard it was for some people—for someone like _him_ —to find someone who loved them. She had a husband who loved her, a _family_. Was she going to throw that away?

What Remus would give for her life…

Still, Remus pushed down his feelings; this was Petunia's problem, not a time for him to feel sorry for himself.

"Whatever you end up doing, I'll be here for you," he assured her. "I don't know if we're friends or anything, but I'll be here."

She smiled like Lily, too.

* * *

" _What. The. Hell."_

 _Sirius, James, and Peter would be the death of Remus. When he died, he was_ _ **sure**_ _it would be their fault._

" _It's brilliant, right?" Sirius said with a grin. He was a dog just seconds before. A_ _ **dog**_ _. Remus turned to James, who was a_ _ **deer**_ _around the same time that Sirius was a freaking_ _ **dog**_ _. Remus could feel his eye twitching slightly._

" _What did you do?"_

" _We became Animagi," Peter—who had also fit in with the animal theme: a_ _ **rat**_ — _explained, like it was the most obvious thing in the world._

" _Yeah, no shit," Remus said, his jaw clenching. He looked at James more pointedly, certain that he was the one behind this._

" _You can hurt us as humans when you're a werewolf. As animals, you can't." James grinned, his brown eyes lighting up. "You won't be alone anymore."_

 _Remus slowly relaxed his jaw, looking at his three_ _ **crazy**_ _friends._

 _Then, slowly, he started to laugh. He laughed until it hurt, his friends all joining in, wrapping each other in big hugs._

* * *

Remus had _no_ idea how to be a parent.

( _Of course,_ the voice in his brain told him, _you're_ _ **not**_ _his parent._ )

He was visiting Harry nearly daily, Petunia relying on him more and more—she needed to work now, after divorcing Vernon. She wanted her boys to live, she said.

He had no idea how to be a dad to Harry, who he had known since he was born, or Dudley, who didn't trust him yet.

He would never be a proper dad, after all. He was a werewolf. He was a _freaking_ werewolf.

Sometimes, Remus would pretend he was Harry and Dudley's real father, and that he was a normal human being who actually had children who loved him.

It was stupid, he knew, but he couldn't help but wish that he was just like any other guy. Normal. A father.

He could never be a father.

Not that James would care. James would slap Remus for even thinking that he was less than any other person, for wanting to be any different.

* * *

" _We know your secret," Sirius called, as Remus was about to leave their dormitory. Those words made his blood run cold. They_ _ **couldn't**_ _know._

" _Which one? I have many," he said, turning around and trying to play it cool. He hoped that he couldn't see the sweat starting to drip down his face. He hated that he sweated when nervous. He wished that he could be anywhere but there at that moment. He wished that he could be anyone else._

" _You're a werewolf," James said, getting up and knocking Remus on the head._

 _So they did know._

" _No," Remus said, his voice creaky and quiet. He was always a terrible liar._

" _Yes, you are, Remus," Peter said, squinting at him. "We're not stupid."_

 _Remus didn't know how to respond. He wished he had the type of swagger James had or Sirius' coolness. He wished he had any trait to get him out of the mess he was in._

" _We don't care, though," Sirius said, looking over Remus._

 _Remus didn't believe his ears, but his heart had already started to do cartwheels._

* * *

Remus figured it was time. He had spent nearly every day for two _years_ at Petunia's small apartment. Harry was nearly three. It was time to ask the question.

Yet Remus was still nervous about it. He never _did_ do well in moments like these. But, he figured, others had accepted him. Why shouldn't Petunia?

"I think I should move in with you," he said, again being blunt. He hated how it sounded, and he hated the look that appeared on her face. "As friends, I mean. I spend a lot a time here, anyway, and I—" Remus cut himself off as he looked at her.

"I don't think we should do that," she said, biting her lip. She looked slightly surprised as if she didn't expect Remus to offer that. "I mean, of course, I still want you to visit the boys, I just don't think that it's the right—"

"Yeah, of course," Remus said, feeling his face start to burn. He got up, wanting to get out of there. "I think I'm going to go grab some milk from the store, actually."

He gave Petunia one last look and left her, standing there.

The cold outside was a welcome, his face feeling cooler.

Of _course_ Petunia didn't want him to move in with her. Nobody wanted him.

He was a monster.

For the thousandth time in his life, he wished he was someone else; he wished he wasn't a werewolf.

* * *

" _I'm Lily Evans."_

 _The first thing Remus noticed about Lily was her eyes—they were like big jewels. Emeralds. They drew you in, making you focus on them and only them._

" _Remus Lupin," he said, holding out a hand, which Lily took, with a smile on her face._

" _The food here is simply magical, isn't it?" she said, motioning to the piles of food in front of them._

" _I think magic is sort of the theme here," Remus deadpanned._

 _Lily grinned at him, all teeth showing._

 _Remus felt something bubble inside of him as he saw her smile. He knew that he wouldn't be making any long-term friends—he'd lose them quick enough—but maybe he'd be able to have just a moment with this girl._

 _It'd be nice._

* * *

"I'm sorry."

Petunia never failed to surprise Remus, and her apologizing to him was no exception.

"What?" He turned to her, finishing chopping up the cucumber; they'd decided to have dinner together, with the boys, to celebrate Harry's third birthday.

"I feel like you've been distant since you asked to move in and I said no," she explained.

"Oh." Remus wasn't sure how to respond. He might've been subconsciously pulling away, but he couldn't help it. It was what he did.

"I just felt so jealous of you—"

"Jealous of me?" Remus said, cutting her off and laughing. He couldn't think of an idea as absurd as someone being jealous of him.

"You spend so much time with the boys and they adore you. I felt—I still feel—that if you moved in, you'd spend more time with them and they wouldn't want me."

Remus was silent, opening and closing his mouth multiple times. Remus was the one that was jealous of _her_ , not the other way around. Petunia got to be their legal mother. Remus was just the guy who visited them.

"Lily would've been proud of you," he said, finally. "That you love your boys so much."

Petunia looked at Remus, her eyes filled with gratitude.

"Thank you," she said. "I hate that—" she paused, biting her lips. "I hate that I don't know how she'd feel. She used to be my best friend. Now…"

Petunia trailed off, but Remus understood what she meant. He knew a thing or two about regret for not spending more time.

Maybe if Remus had paid more attention to his friends then James and Lily would still be alive. Maybe he could've figured out who the traitor was.

But then he wouldn't have found his new friend in Petunia.

* * *

 _Remus was probably one of the lucky kids on the train; he got his own compartment. He had that luxury for fifteen minutes before another kid burst into the compartment._

" _I'm James Potter, future Gryffindor!" The boy wielded a pretend sword, and the goofiness of him made Remus chuckle as he turned to face him. He could see the slight hesitation on the other boy's face, the slight pause as he saw the scars on his face, but it was quick._

" _I'm Remus Lupin. Nice to meet you," he said, sticking out a hand. He knew the friendship probably wouldn't last, but he felt slightly excited._

 _James shrugged, grinned, and took Remus' hand._

" _James Potter," he repeated. "Future Gryffindor." Remus snorted._

" _As you've said."_

* * *

It was never enough.

Nothing Remus could give Harry was enough. He could never be Harry's real father and he hated it. He also hated that James wasn't alive to see Harry grow up.

Harry was _five_ now. James only knew him as a tiny one-year-old.

He hated it.

"Uncle Moony?" Harry asked as they colored together. Both Petunia and Dudley were out shopping, leaving Harry and Remus alone for once.

"Yeah, kid?" he said, coloring in a big black dog. It seemed cruel that he'd gotten this sheet out, but then again, it was his choice to color it black.

"What were my Mommy and Daddy like?"

Harry was far too smart for his age, sometimes. Remus knew that Harry knew that his parents weren't there, that they'd never be there.

"They were," Remus started, "the best people in the entire world."

Maybe _that's_ what he could give Harry.

He could never give Harry his real parents back. He couldn't even give him the full replacements he deserved, but he could still give him something.

He could pass down the stories.


End file.
